My grandfather shook his head when he saw my tattoo. I was just about to graduate from high school, and my sister-in-law took me to get this tattoo as a graduation gift. As an adult, I know I should’ve reconsidered this idea. I had to explain a million times that this was not my prom date. My grandfather didn’t really care about the guy in the tattoo though. He had a different issue.
“If you commit a crime, the police will identify you in no time,” he said to me.
Recommended Read: “Want a tattoo? Wait until you’re 30 ~ What melanin-rich people need to know about tattoos, tattoo removal”
Mind you, the extent of my “criminal” life was eating one too many grapes in the grocery store. (OK, fine, there was that 10-day suspension for having a Girl Scout knife, but that was expunged by the time I went to college.)
So my first response to him was, “Did you decide I would live a life of crime?”
He laughed. I shrugged it off. He still used to point this out any time he saw someone else with a tattoo. He’s not exactly wrong. If the tattoo is distinct, it’s not like it wouldn’t come up during a police lineup. But my tattoo was a couple enjoying a toast. My arm doesn’t exactly scream “criminal.”
Still, what he should have told me about being a busybody and doing something I had no business doing was what else I should never bring: a dog. And the apple tree stunt caused me to learn that lesson the hard way.
Recommended Read: “Before you plant that apple tree in your yard ~ Talk to your neighbors about pest risks, maintenance and human strangers as guests”
I fully admit after the fact that I was being a grumpy gardener. There was honestly no reason for me to get this upset over an apple tree. But at the time my neighbors planted this tree, I was calculating the amount of money that had been spent on grass seed, soil, weed killer, a lawnmower and labor for our new maintenance guy.
So people trampling in our grass with their dogs, baby strollers and acting like it was Chicago’s Forest Preserve pissed me off. It made me understand why grumpy gardeners run outside and start watering the grass to keep you away from their lawns.
Recommended Read: “Gardening made me the grumpy old man on my block ~ My childhood neighbor would be so proud”
I was the condo board president at the time, and so I took it upon myself to write a note to the neighbors. I explained that we were getting trespassers all in our lawn because the apple tree was on our side of the yard. So when the bugs, the pests and the rotten apples fell, they landed on our side. I was fed up with it. Some days I would walk my dog and fling all those rotten apples into their yard so the birds, the mice, the rats and other creepy crawlies would be their problem, not our condo associations.
But I had to figure out how to put this sign on their door without them knowing I did it.