Simplest way to explain sexual consent (to men)
Simplest way to explain sexual consent (to men)
The generational argument between Boomers and Millennials about the meaning of “no”
Writer’s note: This post was originally published on Medium’s “We Need to Talk” on December 15, 2021.
Recently, listening to “Red Table Talk” and the topic of sexual consent brought up memories of a nail salon argument I had between two women who were of Baby Boomer age. Both sided against me when it came to John Legend remaking the song, “Baby, It’s Cold Outside.” As a teenager, I adored that song, primarily because I connected it to Whitley Gilbert and Dwayne Wayne (of “A Different World”) singing it to each other before they made love after a long drought. But listening and watching these two roll their eyes about how women are “sending mixed signals” and how “poor men” don’t know what to do anymore started making me reevaluate the song.
The two women (both around the same age as Gam) talking to me were both mothers of sons, and I started wondering what in the world had they told their sons about sexual consent if they were sitting here arguing with me: a woman. These were perfectly lovely women, one of which I respect and adore, but it was the first time I realized the generational divide we had when it came to sex and sexual consent. I wad disappointed.
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While listening to Gam and Jada Pinkett Smith go at it about consent, the whole conversation felt like deja vu from that nail salon. A small part of me understands where Gam and the two ladies at the nail salon are coming from: Women should be aware of what men are thinking and be cautious about predicaments they put themselves in. But then the larger part of me feels like asking for consent should not be this difficult.
So I had an idea. The topic of sex should ideally be explained with sex in mind. But I realized doing so wasn’t getting me anywhere for people who had their minds set on one particular opinion. So I chose another topic that all three women (and men) could relate to: shoe shopping. This was the best way I could finally get them to understand why consent is so important.
