Respectfully, you must be really bad at sex
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Respectfully, you must be really bad at sex
No, tampons are not equal to penetration
Writer’s note: This post was originally published on Medium’s “We Need to Talk” and has been moved to the new Substack blog in July 2023.
In one of the most peculiar debates I have seen on Twitter — and that is saying a lot because it’s Twitter — a man went on and on about why tampons should not be used so girls can “save something for marriage.” I thought this statement was for a troll account at first. There was no way in the world he could possibly and seriously be comparing tampons to sexual penetration.
After all, tampons are not exactly what I think of when the topic of sex comes up. It was not a thought to me at the age of 11 when I read the insertion instructions over and over again. It wasn’t a thought to me when I chose maxi pads initially, but I could not stand that gross feeling of sitting down on what felt like a diaper. (The ’90s did not have the super thin options available today.) When I finally followed the instructions at the age of 16, tampons for sure did not feel like a human organ. Quite frankly, my pre-teenage and teenage years were spent thinking menstrual cycles were the aggravating tenant who I wanted to be evicted. I was looking at menopausal women with green eyes and unapologetic envy.
And four years later (yes, that means 20 years old, so spare me the tampons-lead-to-promiscuity debate) when I was sexually active, I for sure knew the difference between a miniature arm and a tube of rayon and cotton. In fact, any woman with a functioning brain should be able to tell the difference, including virgins. How? One has arteries and veins, and it can rise and flop. If the ones you have seen do neither, you’re looking at a dildo.
Does your family like you?
Either this guy’s female relatives are boycotting conversations with him or the mother of his child(ren) realized “I have a headache” stopped working as a raincheck. Either way, an actual human organ being inserted inside of a vagina in no way, shape or form feels like a 2–3 inch long cardboard or plastic applicator. And it’s barely half an inch in girth. Do you know how sad a penis would look if it was centimeters in girth? Poor soul. Even PowerPoint presentation clickers are bigger than that.
No woman on Earth gets the shivers thinking of a bunch of cotton being shoved up her lily pad (as comedian Mo’Nique calls it). And a simple query to the women in his life could quickly dispel this myth.
Unfortunately, the same kind of guy who thinks tampons are like sex is probably co-signing this other guy who says pregnancy is “not as hard as women make it out” because women’s bodies are created to do it. Sirs, your jaw is made strong enough for women to punch you in it too. That does not mean you want someone like me to deliver a two-piece every time we see you. Having the strength and the body parts to do something does not mean you have the desire or the medical outcome to survive it.
And once again, I am reminded of this hockey coach post, in which people become certified experts in something they have zero credentials to talk about. But instead of just assuming you know all about something you can scientifically never experience, why not ask? Or, just take our word for it?
Did you enjoy this post? You’re also welcome to check out my Substack columns “Black Girl In a Doggone World,” “Homegrown Tales,” “I Do See Color,” “Tickled,” “We Need to Talk” and “Window Shopping” too. Subscribe to my free weekly newsletter to keep up with all posts at once.
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