Should you try to change the mindset of your no-PDA partner?
Should you try to change the mindset of your no-PDA partner?
What happens when you love kissing and your partner doesn’t?
He had the looks, the charm, the strength and best of all — he was funny. What could possibly go wrong with this guy? I thought I’d really lucked out until he told me one thing: “I don’t like to kiss.” And I stared at him as if he’d just said, “I don’t know how to make toast.” For me, kissing is blissful and cute and fun to do. But to each his own.
I’d dated another guy who wasn’t into public displays of affection (PDA) in public. We could respect each other’s views on this, considering I cringe when someone tries to hold my hand. (I am not on a field trip nor will I get lost without your guidance. Leave my hands alone.) Interestingly, he was an octopus in private and a pretty good kisser! So we made a deal. If he didn’t touch my hands, I wouldn’t try to kiss him in public. Oddly enough, he had such an issue with not holding hands that he kept trying to kiss me after the deal was made.
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Then there was the absolutely awful kisser, who managed to wet the outside of my mouth. I could chat with him and his friends, but I definitely did not have any desire to kiss him after the first time. We could hang out in a pool hall or a movie theater for hours on end, but PDA or even private affection was “meh” for me. Handsome as he was, everything else was awkward.
But I had no idea what to make of the guy who didn’t like to kiss at all. What were we supposed to do when we met up? Give each other dap? Do half-hugs and pound each other on the back? Greet each other with a “yerp” like Desus and Mero?
It would’ve hurt my feelings if he coincidentally decided he didn’t like kissing after I’d kissed him (like Guy #2). But he wasn’t feeling the idea before it could even happen. He wasn’t a stranger. We were together during day hours. I’d known him for years. He was just grossed out by the idea of tongues and lips touching.
It turns out that he’s not alone. In an American Anthropological Association study (via Women’s Health magazine), researchers studied 168 different cultures regarding kissing. Only 46% of these groups kiss, and even less (45%) of North American cultures were interested in locking lips. While some non-kissers regarded the mouth as unsanitary and kissing as unpleasant, even people who did enjoy kissing said they wouldn’t do it in front of children.