Men versus women: Why do men hate single-women songs so much?
Silence in marriage, celebration of singles
Writer’s note: This post was originally published on Medium’s “We Need to Talk” and has been moved to the new Substack blog in July 2023.
The first time I saw this (featured) photo, I smiled. It’s dope. Look at that man showing off his wedding ring and getting ready to kiss his wife.
I’m also a woman who has never desired to be married and enjoys having my own. Why does this matter? There are a couple of reasons. There’s a common belief that single women are anti-man and anti-marriage. The primary group who insists this is the case fall into two groups — married people who are obsessed with everyone else being married (and having kids three seconds later) or single men who have a gripe against single women.
Can you name (and sing) three songs on Usher Raymond’s “Here I Stand” — a dedication to his then-wife? Now how about his single-as-fawk songs on “8701” and “Confessions”?
Interestingly, this gripe often comes up in the form of music, most recently Ciara’s new song “For Da Girls.” The songstress rhymes, “This is for the girls getting money. This is for the girls that don’t need no man. This is for the girls that’s in love with they [sic] self. This is for all the girls that done did it by they [sic] self.”
I have no qualms with the song, but I was not surprised when a man immediately spoke up to tweet the following: “These very much married woman [sic] like herself, Beyoncé, Jt, Cardi B ect [sic] .. selling y’all this ‘y’all don’t need a man’ shit while going back home to their man & happy homes is nuts LMFAOO.”
I’ve yet to understand why this is “nuts,” but I do think men taking these songs personally comes across as deeply insecure. Here’s why.