Should graduation celebrating be banned?
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Should graduation celebrating be banned?
The Philadelphia High School for Girls versus my 8th grade graduation
Writer’s note: This post was originally published on Medium’s “We Need to Talk” on June 16, 2023.
Update on June 22: At another school, this other incident with a “today, it’s going to be all about me” and a mic drop happened. And once again, I’m right back to understanding why my principal warned us not to show out at graduation. This is just NOT the move. Ever. Graduation Day is about the entire group of graduates, not one person wanting 15 minutes. If the problem really was black students not being given their moment to say their full name and major, which is odd and I’ve never seen this at any graduation, the end of her protest makes zero sense.
Update: I wrote this post before I saw the video of the girl blowing a kiss and waving. While I still agree that dancing across stage was a bit much, this girl definitely didn’t do enough to warrant not getting her diploma. And users like New World are celebrating way too hard at this incident, along with a diatribe of nonsense on how black people are criminals and no “type of social cohesion.” Even if the principal was just the Fun Police, users salivating over embarrassing these black girls is pissing me off.
I adored my elementary school principal and pretty much all my teachers (except evil ass Miss Ricks, who twisted my ear when I couldn’t understand a math problem). It was a dope school to be in. Predominantly black, stayed 10 toes down about teaching black history (including a field trip and required reading of “The Autobiography of Malcolm X”), and a great place to be to love my skin tone and African-American literature. With all that said, my principal (a black woman) did not play around when it came to guest speakers or performers during auditorium events. At piano practice, you did not “act a fool” (as my grandmothers would say). And you especially did not decide to have your 15 minutes of fame at graduation.
Recommended Read: “Life before slavery: African history gets the silent treatment in U.S. schools ~ Teaching U.S.’s mistreatment of Africans is important, but what about pre-slavery?”
I distinctly recall her sending out letters to parents and announcing during graduation ceremonies what we could and couldn’t do. There would be no dancing, singing, pimp-walking, running or anything else ridiculous that students wanted to do before they walked to the other side of the stage. The only part I grumbled about was telling parents to wait until the end instead of clapping, standing and cheering for their graduate family members.
Still, even in eighth grade, I understood. Graduation ceremony practice was already long enough to begin with. I was ready for it to be over, and we were just practicing. Additionally, she pointed out to the graduates that everybody’s family may not be able to make it. So when they’re met with silence while another graduate gets thunderous applause, it can be uncomfortable for those graduates. My maternal grandmother died in January, a few months before my summer graduation. Just like that, I got it.
Recommended Read: “Alexander McQueen, your next foot model just got a diploma ~ In a year of social isolation and seniors robbed of graduations, this Hahnville High School faculty member went too far”
What I was not prepared to hear was that I won “Most Educated Student” of my graduation class. It was privately announced during graduation practice, and I was so caught off-guard that I dropped all the handouts and pencils that I’d placed on my lap. I stumbled to the stage speechless. I was told to keep it a secret from my parents and any other guests so they could be surprised too. I wondered at that moment whether my family would stay quiet after they found out I’d be walking across the stage not once but twice. Would we be the loud family to make other graduates feel awkward?
On the day of graduation, I hadn’t said a word. My paternal grandparents, my brother and my parents arrived without a clue. Because my last name starts with a “V,” I already knew it was going to be a long time before my name was called. I wasn’t surprised when some family members completely ignored the “no clapping/no audibly cheering” rule, but they kept it mildly cute and short. And our entire graduating class knew not to challenge our principal as we went from Point A to Point B.
We didn’t (or at least I didn’t) take her as a killjoy. We just knew she wanted us to have some decorum. When you learn it early on as a kid, it makes you that more conscious of it as you go to high school, college and the adult world. You don’t have to be the star of everything. When my name came around, my family politely clapped. I absolutely positively believe my brother and my mother would’ve cheered aloud if my grandparents (her in-laws) weren’t next to her. She is the cheerleading type, for sure. I could hear her and my brother loud and clear when I graduated from college (at an HBCU) — even over the other 13 people who came to Missouri to see me.
I could tell families thought we were about to be done at the “V” last names and started gathering their things. That is, until my name was called again to announce that award. I stood up a second time, and I oddly heard nothing from my family. There were some polite claps from other family members, but I assumed that my own family was trying to follow the rules — regardless of this award.
Once the graduates met outside, I immediately saw my loud family looking for me. And the first thing they did was crack jokes about my grandfather. I was really confused and still wondering why they were so quiet during my second walk. It turns out that they were surprised by the award announcement and initially wanted to make sure they heard the principal right. It wasn’t until I physically stood up and walked toward her that they were sure it was me again. Then, my grandfather started complaining about “all the dust” and “his allergies” in the auditorium, which made the rest of them suddenly wipe their eyes. I walked over to my grandfather, wrapped my arms around his waist and realized his eyes were still red.
Recommended Read: “Embracing ‘island brain’ in Hawaii ~ How paddleboard yoga helped ease my mind from a family member’s death”
I had never seen him cry before in my entire life and not again until I graduated from college and made a table full of 15 people cry, plus the waiters. During the ceremony, I was so set on just behaving during graduation to please my principal and not challenge her threat to not get my diploma onstage. But I spied her watery eyes when I went up onstage to shake her hand a second time. To this day, me and my brother (who graduated from the same elementary school) love that principal!
Was the The Philadelphia High School for Girls graduate wrong for dancing?
I hadn’t thought about that memory in years. (I also had to stop typing because I was crying and thinking of my grandfather — who would’ve turned 100 on Wednesday.) Journalist Marc Lamont Hill tweeted about how his blood would’ve been boiling if his child had the same experience as 17-year-old Hafsah Abdur-Rahman.
“She (the principal) stole that moment from me,” Abdur-Rahman told ABC News. “I will never get that again.”
In her case, the graduate did a dance called “the Griddy” across the stage, knowing full well that the principal “warned students their families could not cheer or clap when they walked on stage.” The principal refused to give her a diploma and turned her away. (Three other girls were also turned away, reports ABC.)
Recommended Read: “That time I made the Red Lobster crew cry ~ Why I grew to hate school graduations”
And I’m left seeing both sides. While I had every reason to celebrate during my own graduations (I graduated Cum Laude in undergrad), along with any other student in elementary school, high school and undergrad, I just didn’t think it was necessary to show out. I don’t know this girl or the school staff, but a lot of my reason for not wanting to do anything extra in elementary school was because I really liked my principal. I did not want to leave on a bad note with her or spoil my family’s memory of my graduation. (I didn’t expect the “allergy” moment, which became the highlight for me.)
Recommended Read: “The graduation gown ghost story I hadn’t thought about in years ~ Do aliens believe in Heaven and Hell?”
But I also didn’t have to survive a worldwide pandemic, virtual learning courses, or consider not being able to go to school for one or two years because the entire country (pro-vaxxers anyway) were in panic mode. It just feels like Generation A should be given a little bit of grace for surviving 2020 to 2023. I didn’t have that level of stress on my back while still trying to get through the usual social worries, grades and puberty. I understand where the graduate is coming from, but I also understand where the principal is coming from. I can’t say either is wrong or right. What I can say is following instructions would’ve made this conflict nonexistent for years to come.
Did you enjoy this post? You’re also welcome to check out my Substack columns “Black Girl In a Doggone World,” “Homegrown Tales,” “I Do See Color,” “Tickled,” “We Need to Talk” and “Window Shopping” too. Subscribe to my free weekly newsletter to keep up with all posts at once.
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