Prepare your daughter for her first gynecology visit
As uncomfortable as sexual health topics may be, not forewarning her ahead of time is worse
Writer’s note: This post was originally published on Medium’s “ZORA” on May 9, 2022.
“Why do people see a gynecologist?” I asked my mother.
It was the kind of question that was probably as thrilling for a parent to answer as “Where do babies come from?” And when I talk to women, too often they have mixed responses about how their parents handled such a question — or if they even knew what a gynecologist was before they were pregnant. Sometimes their mothers were prudish about the topic. Other times they were raised by single fathers who sent them to an aunt or cousin because these men didn’t have a clue what to say. I was lucky enough to have a mother who would give me the hard honest truth though.
Still, as a pre-teen, I couldn’t wrap my mind around why someone would purposely go see a doctor who would put a piece of steel inside of their vaginas, open the speculum so a doctor could poke around inside and that lady must keep her legs spread out into stirrups. This sounded like the world’s worst game of upside-down Twister that I’d ever heard of.
I asked my mother, “Does that hurt?” She said, “Yup. A lot actually.”
I nodded my head. “OK, then I’ll just be a virgin forever and hope I never get cervical cancer.”
Recommended Read: “Is it ‘patriarchal’ to tell a girl her first time having sex will be painful? ~ Complicated discussions regarding black girls and sexuality”
She raised an eyebrow as though she wasn’t quite sure she wanted to push the topic or wait until I reached the age of asking about birth control. She chose silence instead. And I stood my ground about dodging gynecologists until I was 20 years old (and lost interest in being an agnostic nun).
First time visiting a gynecologist
Here’s what threw me though. Unlike my peers, I was fully aware of what happens during a pap smear. I prepared myself to scream bloody murder and for it to be this God awful experience — and then — it just wasn’t. Sure, it was very strange to be naked from the bra down around a strange man. (The wait would’ve been too long to wait for a woman gynecologist, but the male gynecologists had no waiting list.) He did everything my mother said would happen, asked a few questions, I blinked and he was done.
After the pap smear was over, he promptly left, giving me time to change clothes. He noticed the look of confusion on my face when he returned. I just couldn’t help asking him, “Why didn’t this hurt? Is it because I’m no longer a virgin?”