Fighting over a man? Hard pass
The Cardi B logic I agreed with in my 20s but not beyond
Writer’s note: This post was originally published on Medium’s “We Need to Talk” on January 6, 2023.
An athlete was drunk at a party and started rambling on about who in our social circle had had sex. I wasn’t at that party. When a college friend told me what happened the next day, I sat down on my dorm bed and thought, “Wait, am I the accidental other woman?”
Never in my life did I think I’d be an “other,” but the two people who the diarrhea-of-the-mouth athlete was talking about were another friend of mine and a guy I had recently started dating. Had I known that, I’d have never dated this guy. I was confused. Why wouldn’t my own friend tell me that so I could keep my distance?
I immediately reached out to her to have a conversation, and she looked me right in my face and said nothing ever happened. She told me the drunk guy at the party was lying. I breathed a sigh of relief. OK, cool, I wasn’t taking anybody’s leftovers. I smiled. An hour or so later, I called my “guy” to mention his drunk “friend” at the party. I asked him if he and my friend fooled around and 99.9% expected him to shrug it off too.
Long pause. “That’s personal.”
My jaw dropped — at both the audacity of the guy I was currently dating telling me “that’s personal” and semi-respecting that he didn’t lie. I repeated my question again. He admitted they “almost” slept together.
A group of us (three women, two men) had been hanging out a few weeks before. After a while — and a saucy game of Spin the Bottle — I went to my room alone and fell asleep. I had no idea that he and his friend did not leave. Instead, one of my homegirls slept with the second guy and my guy fooled around with the other friend.